Just started the process and bummed about what I ... - Adoption Forums

Many of the adoptees on here seem going through reunion or want advice on that side of things.

Quote:

But when I read on here about how adoptees feel no real attachment to the AP's, feeling out of place and have lists about why people shouldn't adopt and how they never felt a part of the AP's family, it really saddens me.

Some do feel out of place but some don't. Others feel out of place with both APs&BPs, some fit in with APs and not BPs and others with BPs and APs and others feel comfortable with both APs&BPs. When people are going through reunion, it can be rather like being in a twilight zone, becausse you are trying to find your place in two families. Having said that, you will find a large number of posts don't really mention their APs at all, as the posters are mainly on here trying to sort through the reunions.

As for the lists about why people shouldn't adopt - I did read someone put a list about reasons why people shouldn't adopt but at the bottom, there was a reason why people should adopt - the blogger who wrote the original list is a Christian adoptive parent. If you read further down that thread, you will note an excellent reply by Blue Suede Shoes - it is very worth reading - don't worry, it is very positive.

With the more regular adoptee posters on here, I think almost all of us at sometime have said that we love our APs, whether we get along with them or not. I am like most people in the world - I love my mum but she can be pain in the arse at times lol. Just because she is my amum doesn't mean I am not allowed to feel the same feelings towards her that all you lot feel towards your mums.

Don't forget that for those going through reunion, they are often trying to understand the nature side of things and sometimes this does mean there can be a bit of friction with some APs who may not feel nature is important at all.

My situation is that I have good APs and have a good bfamily and have only been through reunion for a year so there is a lot of trying to process both familes. Many people IRL are not interested so it is mostly done alone or through sites on here.

Many people are scared about the adoptee forums on here yet those who actually take time to read through the posts will find that we are rather nice people. You will note that we are not against APs at all. We may feel that adoption needs a lot of reform. Very few are against adoption in general but may have concerns about DIA. Many of us have concerns about adoption agencies.

Some of us may feel that some other cultures version of adoption had a lot of merit to them:
Cultural variations in adoption - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

None of the above makes us anti-AP or angry, or bitter and twisted or anything like that.

Source: http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/392238-just-started-process-bummed-about-what-i-have-read-here.html

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